The Trouble with Indian Matrimony: Matchmaker, Make me a Match!

The Trouble with Indian Matrimony: Matchmaker, Make me a Match!

What influences our youth to set aside their enterprising, free-wheeling spirit to follow the well-trodden path of arranged marriages? Part of the answer lies in the deep socialisation process, which is woven into the fabric of the close-knit extended Indian family, and its rootedness in the larger network of society. The young too seem to believe in the cultural definition of marriage as a family affair, rather than an individual undertaking. Harmony and shared values arising from common backgrounds are seen as more important than individual attraction. The common grounds provided by an arranged match — familiar customs, foods, relatives, incomes, etc — also helps in negotiating the dark thicket of matchmaking. The upside is also that this aids the adjustment process with the new partner and family, a stand-in for what is seen as the variable element of love. When it comes to daughters, the disciplining fetters become even tighter, since a tarnished reputation would scupper her chances in the marriage market. With whom? But in India it continues well into adulthood.

Matchmaking in Middle Class India

Follow Us. A young friend showed me what is called a pre-wedding video—a couple in their mid-twenties sashayed around a dance studio doing an elaborate waltz. I then found out that the couple had been set up by their families just a couple of months back and had then obediently fallen in love.

The Western world views the notion of ‘arranged marriage’ with horrified fascination; how can two adults consent to marry someone chosen for.

Sima Taparia, professional matchmaker reveals her arrange marriage tale. Credits: Instagram. From different memes on her matchmaking skills to her constant efforts in making people meet each other,. Sima has become famous among all. After creating love stories for millions, Sima has revealed the story of her own marriage in an Instagram post recently.

She got engaged to her husband Anup Taparia in December of ‘ Like most of the usually arranged marriages, their matchmaking was made possible through a familial acquaintance. However, they met just once before saying yes to each other for a forever bond. The operator would connect the line after a few hours only. However, their telephonic conversation was cut short after the tragedy in January , when the Malabar Telephone Exchange caught fire.

The duo then shifted to writing letters to each other, sneaking away from the teasing from their family. They also met once when Sima went to Pune to meet her aunt and Anup made an excuse for a college picnic to see her. View this post on Instagram It was December of ’82 when we got engaged.

We Need to Talk About ‘Indian Matchmaking’

I was on the phone with my mother, who lives in Pune, India, complaining about Indian Matchmaking , when she brought up the marriage proposal. I knew she agreed. I scoffed. But watch Indian Matchmaking , and you may end the eight-episode arc of the smartly edited, highly bingeable show with a misleading idea of how arranged marriages actually work. The Netflix reality show follows Sima Taparia, a matchmaker from Mumbai whose pen-and-paper spreadsheets of potential suitors is far from the most outdated thing about her.

Netflix’s ‘Indian Matchmaking‘: The true colours of arranged marriage ain’t pretty. The show is about eight adults and matchmaker Sima ‘Mami’.

By Prithi Srinivasan on August 5, As a product of Indian matchmaking myself, I had to see what the show was all about. Each episode opens with an already married couple speaking about the love and happiness they have found: a testament to the success of arranged marriages. Then the clients are introduced and the matchmaking begins. After a brief conversation with the clients about their likes and dislikes, humorously noted in graphics on the screen, Taparia looks for matches that would be compatible with the clients.

She returns with biodatas, comprehensive descriptions of potential matches and sends her clients out on dates. They came from different religious, ethnic and social backgrounds within the Indian community, and Taparia was able to modify her methods to find potential matches for all of them. Each of the clients also had strong personalities which made them very compelling to the viewer.

They each described incredibly personal aspects of their lives like their upbringings and experiences with past relationships, and the more they were on screen, the more I felt like I knew them personally. But even as I enjoyed the show and fully immersed myself in the lives of the clients, something felt off. Both the Indian caste system, an ancient system of classifying people into social categories, and the near-obsession with skin color played into the standards for a good match.

Upper caste, fair-skinned clients were valued. Their value as a husband or wife was determined by their adherence to these values whether they subscribed to them or not.

Sima Taparia of ‘Indian Matchmaking’ on family dynamics, ghosting and failed matches

The show is about eight adults and matchmaker Sima ‘Mami’ who has promised to find them their life partner. I spent my weekend like many others, binge-watching the new series Indian Matchmaking that premiered last week on Netflix. From the first few responses to the show on social media, I knew that I was supposed to hate the show, be outraged at matchmaker Sima, roll my eyes at prospective bride Aparna, and cringe at every statement prospective groom Akshay ever makes.

But if I were to be honest, that’s not exactly what happened. I was hooked to it though I was also going ‘yikes’ at frequent intervals. The show opens with an introduction to Preeti, who belongs to an affluent family, and is looking for a match for her younger son, year-old Akshay.

Overall Indian matchmaking is yet another reminder that when it comes to arranged marriages, preferences are really a0 sham. (Photo: Netflix).

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Netflix’s “Indian Matchmaking” Tells Women to Compromise. I Refused to Do That.

While it is a regressive thought, and not the only one such in the show, Taparia shines light on a phenomenon quite prevalent across the social strata in India. Except the algorithm is decided by Taparia, the globe-trotting successful matchmaker from Mumbai. Of course, she is aided by her face reader, astrologer, and at times life coach.

But the Netflix show ends up glorifying all that is wrong with how Indians view the institution of marriage, often without context.

The series also features interviews with happily married couples who came together through an arranged marriage and aims to highlight how an.

Sushmita Pathak. Is it a match? A potential couple meet up courtesy of a matchmaker in the Netflix series Indian Matchmaking. Netflix hide caption. A picky year-old from Mumbai whose unwillingness to marry raises his mom’s blood pressure. A headstrong year-old lawyer from Houston who says she doesn’t want to settle for just anybody. A cheerful year-old Guyanese-American dancer with Indian roots who simply wants to find a good person to be her husband.

Make Sense of the world

Reading it reminded him of a period in my life, my mids, when we were searching for a groom for me. I am a South Indian who grew up in Mumbai. But of course, I had to track it down. Since its release on July 16, Indian Matchmaking is all my Twitter stream can talk about. In the first episode, Taparia lays out the sociological context of the show for a Western audience: Arranged marriages are the norm in Indian society.

A marriage is a union between two families, not just the bride and groom.

Netflix series Indian Matchmaking is this year’s scariest horror story about arranged marriages. Last year on Netflix’s Dating Around, the.

Netflix reality show “Indian Matchmaking” shows the stories of seven main cast members, portrayed through the lens of Sima Taparia, “Bombay’s top matchmaker. An email has been sent to with a link to confirm list signup. Want to receive notice about our circulation promotions and contests? Sign Up Today! Would you like to receive our lifestyle headlines about food and wine, Olean living, local history and more?

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Matrix of arranged marriage

Follow Us. The controversial Netflix show has reignited debate over traditional marriage matches, but without interrogating harmful stereotypes, says Meehika Barua. One evening in late November when I was heading for a meeting in Holborn, my Indian friend, who is 25, texted me to say that she was getting married. Trains went by as I stood at London Bridge station, typing furiously, glaring at my phone. The arranged marriage had been fixed up by her parents. She had met the guy, liked him, and so, they agreed to get married.

These are some of the singles on the new Netflix original series Indian Matchmaking, a reality TV show about arranged marriages in Indian.

My parents had an arranged marriage in India, and it was assumed that I would have an arranged marriage one day, too. Like most children, I once modeled my understanding of family units and my future marriage on that of my parents. Indian culture tends to view marriage as the union of two families more than the union of two individuals.

In that sense, it always made sense to me that my family would be somewhat involved in my selection of a life partner. I found it refreshing to see this not completely sanitized when presented to a Western audience. Often requested traits among women: fair complexion, caste status, and, often, homemaking skills. But as a viewer — and a first-generation Indian-American — I found it refreshing to see this depicted for what it is and not completely sanitized when presented to a Western audience.

When I was in fourth grade, one of my Indian peers asked to set up a playdate with me excluding our two other friends since her parents preferred that she socialize with only me because of my caste. We were both first-generation Americans, steeped in American culture, yet her parents picked up on the last names generally a caste indicator of our friend group and shared this distinction with their child. But reflecting back, I see that blatant casteism still exists in the Indian diaspora, and acknowledging this as a socially upheld institution is important if we ever hope to address it.

The girl seems nice. I would be disappointed if these tenets, which are so central to the matchmaking process, were glossed over in an attempt to make the process seem even more palatable to a Western audience.

Indian Matchmaking: Why I have finally decided to go for arranged marriage

Every reality show has at least one villain. As Sima and the show itself frequently remind us, arranged marriage is not quite the form of social control it used to be; everyone here emphasizes that they have the right to choose or refuse the matches presented to them. But as becomes especially clear when Sima works in India, that choice is frequently and rather roughly pressured by an anvil of social expectations and family duty.

Matrix of arranged marriage. (/5). Film: Indian Matchmaking. Director: Smriti Mundhra. Cast: Sima Taparia, Aparna Shewakramani, Jay.

Updated : 22 days ago. If you scoff at the very thought of arranged marriage and what all it entails, and consider it to be the most regressive concept on the earth; read no further. Moreover, you will be able to relate to this bunch of young men and women on the lookout for life partners. So women like Sima aunty, become as important as tying the nuptial knot. The series fleshes out a microcosm of Indian society, the upper class, both in India and foreign lands where despite dating apps and websites, Sima aunty has both rationale and reason to exist.

Of course, she exists in real life as exactly what is shown in the series as a high profile matchmaker Sima Taparia. Her clients too are real, sieved out of a list of Through her we meet a handsome jewellery designer in Mumbai, an ambitious woman lawyer in US, a Guyanese Indian origin woman and later in the series a divorcee, all looking for love and a life partner.

Netflix series Indian Matchmaking is this year’s scariest horror story about arranged marriages

Skip navigation! Story from Best of Netflix. I do not typically spend time watching reality TV , which might surprise some considering I was once on a reality show. Given my own experience and ethnic background, I wanted to love the show and be supportive, but to me the series fell flat and overly simplified and stereotyped what it means to be Indian.

Indian Matchmaking shows picky individuals with a long list of demands that centre around caste, height and skin colour.

The Netflix hit “Indian Matchmaking” has stirred up conversations about issues like parental preference in marriage, cultural progress, casteism — and ghosting. Taparia answered questions via email from Mumbai, discussing why none of the matches worked out, her own arranged marriage and how business is booming despite the coronavirus pandemic. Sima Taparia: They are not separate things. Matchmaking is just a tool to help people find a life partner.

In India, the process also often involves parents. Has the show generated new interest in matchmaking with more people wanting to do it?

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